i...

i cant deal with it anymore.i cant deal with knowing jesses with my fucking wife.i cant think about it.i love tania so much that it makes me wanna burst out in fuckin tears sometimes.i sit here waiting and waiting.for something im praying to god will fall into my arms.she tells me the most beautiful things i could ever hear.and i spit back in her face.im so sorry for doing it.but i am so filled with doubt.and im so scared that ill lose her to jesse.im so scared that ill lose because of myself sometimes.but im put through so much.and shes still not with me.the mans shes with was willing to leave within a moment.he was willing to give it all away without a fucking tear.and me the one who waits.who sticks through everything is left behind hoping for a future.im hoping for a future thats been drawn into my head.i am so ready for this future and will do anything to have it.and given the choice.she chose him.for the moment she says but no.she chose him.i will never leave her.i cant.shes my life and my love.i live for her.she may kill my heart but i swear to god ive never smiled so much in my entire life.i wish she could see how much i love her.i wish i could prove it to her.or do whatever i can to end her bullshit of a relationship.with this so called friend of hers.i am so ready to give my life for her.to do everything above and beyond my fucking power to make her happy.i will move across the world and eat dead people if she needed me too.but if only she would tell me what she wants.and whats wrong.i beg of her and still i get nothing.i pour my heart onto her and she washs it off.she doesnt ever take us seriously.which is why we're leaving eachother.what ive feared most in my life.i cant let her go.and i cant let us drift apart.ive tried so hard to fix it.but shes not willing to see what happens.and from now on.its done.i will stay and wait for her to fall to me.i cant stand the stress but ill last threw every single heart breaking minute of it.as long as in the end im with her.my wife and my love.

fuckin...

fuckin hell.i wrecked my bike today.i landed flat on my shoulder and my neck.tanias gonna fuckin hate me.cause i think i broke my collar bone and maybe pulled a muscle in my neck.and...hurt my kidney.so i might be going to tha hospital tonight.i dunno.if tha pain gets worse i will.but yes im hurt.i landed like that from 12 feet high.so im obviously gonna have a great birthday on sunday.whoopi.eh.im goin.DONT BE MAD TANIA I DIDNT MEAN TO.IM NOT EVEN GONNA RIDE FOR AWHILE.

im stupid

i have the best future wife in tha world.THEE BEST.whoopi doo flapy wapi.my nephew called me stupid today.cause im broke from my bike wreck.and i wouldnt do nuttin.so he called me stupid.even tho it was more like soupid.id say more.but im in alotta pain.so bye bye bye bye bye.

oooo.fu...

oooo.fuckin whoopi goldberg.i have a live journal.thanks ta tanias fine ass.yes mam::humps tania::.yaaaay

x. ...

x. name = Nickx. age = i am almost this many 11111111111111111 x. piercing = none.x. tattoos = ooo.not yetx. height = 6'0x. shoe size = 12x. hair color = dark brownx. eye color= Green or hazel.i dunno.greenishx. Hair length = shoulders.x. siblings = 2 big assholes named billy(22) and chris(24) x. pets = Spike ma dogx. movie you rented = i dunno itsa war movie.ma mom got itx. movie you bought = Detroit rock city(DVD)x. song you listened to = Down - Ghosts along the mississippi.x. song that was stuck in your head = uh.ludacris.moo bitch get out tha way.I FUCKIN HATE THAT SONG.x. song you've downloaded = Judas priest - Between the hammer and the anvil.x. cd you listened to = Gore Obsessed - Cannibal Corpsex. person you've called = No one.But i talk to tania 12 hours a night(seriously tho).x. person that called you = ooooo.FUCK YEAH.tania....and steve.x. tv show you've watched = uranium and extreme rockx. person you were thinking of = Hmm.taniax. you have a bf or gf = last question i need to hearx. you have a crush on someone = not really a crush.x. you wish you could live somewhere else = YES.and no.(but i wish someone would hurry up)x. you think about suicide = i think three timesx. you believe in online dating = whatever floats ur 2x4x. others find you attractive = uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.no.NOT YET ANYWAY.no ok im jokingx. you want more piercings = yup.x. you want more tattoos = hells yes x. you drink = nooope.im da good one(used to)x. you do drugs = not no mo.thier bad fo youx. you smoke = not no mo.thier bad fo youx. you like cleaning = sometimes.only for tanias.x. you like roller coasters = FUCK YEAH::makes a whooshie sound::x. you write in cursive or print = print x. you carry a donor card = i dunno.ask taniaagainst or for....x. long distance relationships = fur.but my love person wants me to wait.so kindax. using someone = Hell no.ive been used.its fucked up.FUCK ALL YOU NIGGERS.x. suicide = as long as tania doesnt do itx. killing people = wooo.fun stuff.ima good plannerx. killing steve = dude.hes my friend.ASSHOLE.x. teenage smoking = yes.but as long as ur not a weak minded fuck.x. doing/trying drugs = yesirx. premarital sex = i must.hehehehhe. . . . HAH.x. driving drunk = its fun blind folded at nightx. gay/lesbian relationships = lesbians sure.but.well wait.my brother.yeah.im for it.x. soap operas = noooooooooofavorite... (at the moment)x. food = oreos!.candy.and um.i dunno.x. song = Down - Ghosts along the mississippix. thing to talk about = music.life.my fuckin weird familyx. sports = Drag racing,Off road racing,Rock crawling,trials and down hill moutain bike racingx. clothes = i need sum..x. movies = Detroit Rock Cityx. band = Down.x. holiday = THIS christmas.and.my birthday.but not this one.x. cars = oo.78 trans am bandit edition.gto's.old mustangs.old fords.just old cars.my lord.oo.AHH.i wish i had moneyhave you... x. ever cried over a girl = i.uh.leave me alone.x. ever cried over a boy = .hells no.(loves chris)HAH.hes my brother you sick fuck.x. ever lied to someone = loong time ago.i dont lie anymorex. ever been in a fist fight = holy shit yeahx. ever been arrested = almost. nooope.i out smarted'em.i plan my crimes well. what... x. shampoo do you use = . . . .um.its pink.and it smells like a frootx. shoes do you wear = Boots and dc's.x. are you scared of = Uh.butch dykesnumber... x. of times I have been in love? = honestly.twice.but i fucked up with holly.but im glad i did cause of tania.x. of times I have had my heart broken? = all the timex. of hearts I have broken? = Uh.none.no ones ever loved me enough.sep taniax. of boys I have kissed? = lol.i think my dad once.i used to kiss my brother.but i think its weirdx. of girls I have kissed? = A large total of 4(sees a tornado forming)really tho.look at the weather for this day in florida.its coverd in black clouds.x. of men I've slept with? = billy once.he tried to smother me(with a pillow)x. of girls I've slept with? = i had my mean ass teasy friend amy sleep in my lap once in tha gym.x. of continents I have lived in? = floridas a weiner.x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = 1x. of cd's that I own? like 15.im poor.x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = once.from my car accident.it was like 2 words long.even tho it was bad as hell.x. of scars on my body? = bout 15x. of things in my past that I regret? = staying in florida.and quiting racing.