i...

i cant deal with it anymore.i cant deal with knowing jesses with my fucking wife.i cant think about it.i love tania so much that it makes me wanna burst out in fuckin tears sometimes.i sit here waiting and waiting.for something im praying to god will fall into my arms.she tells me the most beautiful things i could ever hear.and i spit back in her face.im so sorry for doing it.but i am so filled with doubt.and im so scared that ill lose her to jesse.im so scared that ill lose because of myself sometimes.but im put through so much.and shes still not with me.the mans shes with was willing to leave within a moment.he was willing to give it all away without a fucking tear.and me the one who waits.who sticks through everything is left behind hoping for a future.im hoping for a future thats been drawn into my head.i am so ready for this future and will do anything to have it.and given the choice.she chose him.for the moment she says but no.she chose him.i will never leave her.i cant.shes my life and my love.i live for her.she may kill my heart but i swear to god ive never smiled so much in my entire life.i wish she could see how much i love her.i wish i could prove it to her.or do whatever i can to end her bullshit of a relationship.with this so called friend of hers.i am so ready to give my life for her.to do everything above and beyond my fucking power to make her happy.i will move across the world and eat dead people if she needed me too.but if only she would tell me what she wants.and whats wrong.i beg of her and still i get nothing.i pour my heart onto her and she washs it off.she doesnt ever take us seriously.which is why we're leaving eachother.what ive feared most in my life.i cant let her go.and i cant let us drift apart.ive tried so hard to fix it.but shes not willing to see what happens.and from now on.its done.i will stay and wait for her to fall to me.i cant stand the stress but ill last threw every single heart breaking minute of it.as long as in the end im with her.my wife and my love.