I'm...

I'm very happyAnd i love taniathats all i need to say:)

i gue...

i guess im a fuckin shithead, most of what i say upsets tania, even though everything ive ever said has never been meant to upset her. she allways wants ta stop talking to me so quickly. and she never tells me what upset her or why, for the past 4 months ive been overly depressed, i mean when i can tell she fuckin loves me im happy as hell..but it doesnt allways seem like she does. maybe its just me..ive had a fucked up life when it comes to girl friends or love..so im just more worried about the things i should know i dont have to worry about.ive never even been in love but with holly and tania.but holly was me just thinking shes fucking great.but.i allways thought id go from girl friend to girl friend untill i met her..and like really knew her. .when she told me the truth about herself. and i honestly feel like im gonna spend my life with her and be completely happy with her the whole time....yes i know i allways talk about her, but thats my fault..because of all the accidents ive been in, im kinda unable to do stuff right now..plus i dont live near jumps..or motocross tracks er any shit like that. but i also talk about her because i love her, and i talk to her like 10 hours a day. but no matter what she'll ever think..i allways tell her the truth..i never hide anything anymore....and if i make a fucking promise im gonna fuckin keep it..because of course i want her to be happy, and yes i love her. i say i love her alot....u kno why, because she got really upset with me and told me she had reason to believe i dont love her cause i never said it as much at all..so i started sayin it more. . now i just thinks shes so used to it that its like me sayin wot, but wether i say it alot or not, i love her more then any thing in my entire life:)...no matter what happend before.i do.....she is my baby.Well!, with that said...im turning into a daddie..its complicated. .kids just kick ass man.i bet u can guess what im gonna say.mhm...its a tinkermhmi love tania<3god ima fuckin dork.

Im an asshole

My lifes allways been complicated. everyone ive ever loved has turned on me or left..and i feel like thats what tanias doing. she has reason to..ive been to caught up in being worried and jealous. im not good enough for her at all..all ive ever done is upset her and make her and jesse fight. i havent lied to her for months, but ive done more then enough to make her leave. i dont want her to, but if itll make her happier. .she should. shes the only girl i can ever imagine myself loving or being with because ive been in love with her for months..and ive only gotten deeper and deeper into it. but im to worried about everything..and everytime i do wrong i change myself to make her happier with me, but it hasnt changed. i dont even know what to do. i allways ask her whats wrong and what she wants, but she never tells me.. i never do anything right and i hate myself for it. ive never had the chance to fix anything.. its allways gone before i can...which is why im so worried, we've made all these plans..and told each other how much we love one another, but the way she acts..makes it all so hard to believe. i really just want her to act more serious about us sometimes, and tell me what she wants...and whats bothering her..and what shes thinking about when it comes to us, i wanna make her as happy as possible..but i never can if she wont talk to me. i understand that shes very close with her friends and i dont care anymore..i understand that she wants to wait for us to be together..i understand everythings shes told me..and either way ill sit here and wait for the rest of my life for her, because i know that no matter how bad we fight we'll allways be more then perfect moments later, and that ill never love her any less then i do now, but i also know that i wont let us fight, because im sick of fighting with her, im sick of her being unhappy, and im sick of being an asshole. im not like this in person, but shes so far away. i cant touch her, or talk to her face to face. all i can do is trust her and be a better person untill shes with me. i wish things could be like they were before..but without the lieing and hiding things. i just want me and her to be happy.we're happy now i guess. but we dont act as loving as we used to.jesse, im sorry about making you and tania fight, the only reason i said i hated you was because all of what happend, your funny as hell and a good person to be friends with. i almost ruined what you and tania have, and im sorry. i really dont care if u hate me or not..i just wanted to apoligize.thats about it....I love you Tania.

Jes...

Jesse your the dumbest fucking dip shit ive ever known. She said all that to make ME not get angry, u stupid fuck..she protects you alot more then she does me, and she thinks better of you then me. seriously dumbass.....why do you think allll this shit happend. . .because she loves you, you fuckin prick. im getting the ass end of this entire thing. tania lies to me all the time!..and never to you.....undeserving asshole.

Subway

i am bored i am bored i am bored. tania has given me no sign of life..she is i dunno where....shes probably all high n asleep hehehe awww ::kisses her nose::. but shes a tired lady, cause she works lots n lots...and only for tips god damnit.well woo im tired. if i dont talk to tania tonight..itll be the first night we havent talked in like..........6 months. because we allways talk every night for atleast 10 hours er so. even if we're fightin.i should really try and draw some things for the art instruction school lady. Because shes back in florida even tho she wasnt supposed to be untill mid next year. so i really should draw some stuff up and get my mom to call her and get her ta come by. She saw my other drawings and thought she really needed to talk to me..so..thats probably why shes back. The only reason she didnt come by last time..was because i havent been drawing for around 4 months at the time, so it kinda faded. but ive gotten back into it so yesm...she should come by this weekend. plus..she flew from canada.itd be mean to not let heru know i really think rebecca raped me. because josh is me in every way.. he doesnt really look like me but acts like me and wants to be around me more then anyone and comes to me when hes hurt or has done somethin wrong. i dunno..maybe its because im the only one that plays with'em and doesnt smack him.I HAD CHINESE FOOD.I FINALLY HAD CHINESE FOOD AGAIN....and i feel like complete shit and never wanna eat it again.oo. i want thai food tho. aww tania, shes looves thai food.. i must eat tania now.fuck, i need to fight someone. all the anger from everythings just sittin there. HAH..ill go fight that little shit that steve knows. lol steves a pimp now..and this guys a nerdie 130 pound punk/metalhead with glasses and A.D.D..hes goin out with some 12 year old named samantha with big tits.hes actin like shes his hoe. i was laughin hard as fuck when i asked him who the fuck she was.hes like "dude shes fine as hell..and shes has big ass tits, AND....she asked me to finger her at lunch.man i rubbed her over her pants while shes was moaning n shit". i just kept laughin..but i asked him if shes serious about him. and hes all "man pssh, shes swoonin over me..i dunno how long ill keep her tho"..even tho hes never had a real girl friend hes actin all pimped out. no but steve kicks ass..im glad hes gettin girls.....he needs'em more then any body.problem is, thier all 12.lol and steves birthdays comin up..guess whos goin over there........samantha..hes all "we're gonna fuck, we're gonna fuck, we're gonna fuck".lol.the guy doesnt even have peach fuzz sproutin frum his face. well who cares..he needs it. alright im goin ta bed. im tired as fuck and tanias probly asleep.so gootbye.::nigtie tania::

HAH, thats ...

HAH, thats funny as hell. tanias homework is some interview with her "role model", and she did her little faggot ex jesse savka. thats such bullshit......she said herself its just bullshit..and that he was the only one online to interview.

Im NOT Tired

damn yo, it's 7 and im not asleep..GOD HELP ME..yo.yo yo yo::pimps it::.eh.niggers eat nuts at the zoo. i swear.ive wanted to see tanias boobies really bad for like 2 weeks. ive had lack of pleasure so kiss my ass. i dont ask her of course. Cause im respectable in 2 ways.ooooooooooooo. I knew tania would like this song man. i swear, cause i was listenin to it and ive listened to it atleast 20 times since i heard it on thursday. i know her so well that its not even funny anymo. i have poison ivy poisoning, thats frum ridin. OK...OK. im hella inspired by morbid angel now, because i havent listened to'em for a while, but now that i have. . .whoooooooooaaaa, it just completely makes me wanna go play guitar and write notes and be creative.Friday sucked, tania maybe of gotten raped, i was soooo pissed when she told me.not just at her.but because i wasnt there to start killin people.no im kidding just the guy. i was pissed at tania because she promised me she wouldnt go out at night anymore because i told her i knew somethin bad was gonna happen, so i asked her to not. . .she didnt keep her promise. its ok tho she forgot.and i cussed my parents out completey because my moms a lying fat cunt and my dads a complete crackhead.and after that i left and went outside.after a while this kid i fuckin hate came by sayin shit ta steve and me, so i ran after him with my fuckin hammer and hes like no no no no no noo.i was kidding im friends with steve..so yes i obviously wasnt in a good mood.infact a skinny ass nigger came flyin by on a street bike.so i chucked this biiig ass rock at his head...it was funny tho, because he stopped and took off his helmet.so i yelled get the fuck outta here ya stupid fuckin nigger...funny thing is...he left.im not even THAT racist at all..i just wasnt in a good mood.but anyway.TANIA WAS WEARING JESSE'S BOXERS THATS SO FUCKIN GROSS DUDE.Scott.ooo scott. big wonderful SCOTT. u know how much i hate scott. i hate him as much as i hate black people at the movies, i hate this asshole more then i can hate anyone...but tania thinks hes sooo great...and sooooo cool...and soooo funny.well i sooo wanna kill him. i wanna see his face deform under the end of my hammer. ok.ok.ok.ok....ok.im calm.we good.WE KOO, and.hes gonna go see her..which is why im gonna try and move there...well till three years from now. but yeah i cannot stand the thought of her around him.when it happens i will be soooo fucking touchy and pissed off. for some obvious reason miss tania.alright.im tired now..ive been typing for like 5 days a 2 years with 3 months in between.im just gonna go eat and go to bed with my teddy bear which i will soon give to tania, so he can kicks ernies ass.but if i dont update after i wake up..cause i aint finished ive just gotten all a sudden tired.so yeah.if i dont.today im most likely gonna be violent towards passing motorists and go jumpin.so i love you all.good mornin((i know it says seven.but i started typin at 3am))..and yes i know im boring and talk about tania alot.thats cause.IM NOT ASHAMMED LIKE SHE IS.which is why i talk about her..in a good way.grr.yeah:/ .....nighty.))20 minute's later((.OK.now im goin yall.