Im an asshole

My lifes allways been complicated. everyone ive ever loved has turned on me or left..and i feel like thats what tanias doing. she has reason to..ive been to caught up in being worried and jealous. im not good enough for her at all..all ive ever done is upset her and make her and jesse fight. i havent lied to her for months, but ive done more then enough to make her leave. i dont want her to, but if itll make her happier. .she should. shes the only girl i can ever imagine myself loving or being with because ive been in love with her for months..and ive only gotten deeper and deeper into it. but im to worried about everything..and everytime i do wrong i change myself to make her happier with me, but it hasnt changed. i dont even know what to do. i allways ask her whats wrong and what she wants, but she never tells me.. i never do anything right and i hate myself for it. ive never had the chance to fix anything.. its allways gone before i can...which is why im so worried, we've made all these plans..and told each other how much we love one another, but the way she acts..makes it all so hard to believe. i really just want her to act more serious about us sometimes, and tell me what she wants...and whats bothering her..and what shes thinking about when it comes to us, i wanna make her as happy as possible..but i never can if she wont talk to me. i understand that shes very close with her friends and i dont care anymore..i understand that she wants to wait for us to be together..i understand everythings shes told me..and either way ill sit here and wait for the rest of my life for her, because i know that no matter how bad we fight we'll allways be more then perfect moments later, and that ill never love her any less then i do now, but i also know that i wont let us fight, because im sick of fighting with her, im sick of her being unhappy, and im sick of being an asshole. im not like this in person, but shes so far away. i cant touch her, or talk to her face to face. all i can do is trust her and be a better person untill shes with me. i wish things could be like they were before..but without the lieing and hiding things. i just want me and her to be happy.we're happy now i guess. but we dont act as loving as we used to.jesse, im sorry about making you and tania fight, the only reason i said i hated you was because all of what happend, your funny as hell and a good person to be friends with. i almost ruined what you and tania have, and im sorry. i really dont care if u hate me or not..i just wanted to apoligize.thats about it....I love you Tania.